When it comes to the way dating etiquette and sexual intercourse are viewed, there are many differences between single Chinese women and western men. There are so many western men who are interested in dating Chinese women, that it actually behooves us to understand and appreciate these differences.
Thanks to such fundamental cultural differences, western men are often shocked by the way that Chinese girls view certain elements of the romantic relationship, especially when it comes to sex. In an effort to avoid embarrassing misunderstandings, it is a good idea for western men to learn as much as they can about romantic relationships in China before they begin dating a Chinese woman.
Love, sex and marriage
In China, dating is a serious business and casual sex is practically non-existent. In the West, this is not the case. Many Americans, for example, date several people simultaneously and have a much freer sense of sexual relationships. In recent years, pre-marital sex has become less of a taboo in China’s larger cities such as Shanghai and Beijing, but this new view has not become the norm in smaller villages where traditional views still reign. That being said, western men should not be surprised to meet a thirty-year-old virgin if she has never been married.
There is a paradox, however, when it comes to a Chinese woman’s virginity. It is not so unusual for a woman to engage in pre-marital sex – even on the second or third date – if she views her mate as a potential marriage partner. Pre-marital sex, in fact, is often viewed as a binding deal maker, meaning that if a woman has sex with a man whom she is only dating, his feelings are mutual when it comes to wanting marriage as the next step. It is important for western men to be open and honest in this situation.
Another surprising element of dating Chinese women is that it is often a family affair. In many cases, a woman’s parents will play matchmaker and set her up with a suitable young man. This, however, is not always the case. Sometimes, a woman will seek out her own potential partner. When this occurs, she probably will not discuss the men she is seeing with her mother, girlfriends, or anyone else for that matter. If a woman is serious about a man, however, she will discuss him with her mother.
So, if a Chinese girl asks you home to meet her family, she is quite serious about the relationship. In the West, this move is often the formal engagement announcement. In China, it is assumed.
A good rule of thumb is never to agree to meet her family if you are not also considering marriage.
Social consequences of dating western men
It should be known that when a Chinese woman has dated a foreign man, or even lived with him, her chances of future marriage to a Chinese man have been cut dramatically. Most traditional Chinese men will not even consider a woman who has had a foreign boyfriend, whether or not she remains a virgin. There is a strong bias against foreigners for many traditional Chinese people when it comes to romance and marriage.